Dear Grandpa,

I honestly never thought I'd have to say goodbye so soon, I knew you'd die eventually, but I thought you'd at least make it to my wedding. For so long I’ve been living in my own little blissful world, thinking that no matter how hard things might get, they will always get better.

I remember saying our final goodbyes in the living room at the house and to me, it was the worst pain in the world, but I was wrong... The night Mom came home and told me I'd had lost you was the most gut-wrenching and heart-dropping feeling I'd ever experienced.

At first, I didn’t understand what happened. I couldn’t wrap my mind around the idea that you were gone. No more computer bingo, teasing, or laughing over your weird comments and mean jokes.

But now I get it. Now I know what it feels like to lose someone I really love, and it hurts in a different kind of way than anything else. But at the same time, it has taught me lessons that could never be learned any other way. I’ve realized what an incredible man you were, and how lucky I am to have had you in my life. I’ve realized what people mean when they say you don’t appreciate what you have until it’s gone. But most of all, I’ve realized that I want to be just like you someday. You had a magic about you that made any and every child feel like the most special kid alive. Your laugh was contagious and your jokes, while sometimes lame, always gave me a good laugh. Your humility was mind-blowing after how successful you were and your dedication to the ones you loved is an example to all of what a good grandfather should be.

I also never really understood what it meant when someone said they had a Father they were close to, you were the closest thing to a father figure I had. Yeah, Dad was in the picture, but you taught me everything right next to Mom. You and Mom taught me how to ride a bike. When I wanted candy, you'd take me down to the corner store and carry me home because I was "too tired to walk". Or how you'd sit on the porch clipping your toenails and wait for me to come home...

Everyone knew I was embarrassed by it, but between you and me, I'd kill to see you sitting on the porch waiting for me one more time.

I wish you could see me now. I wish I could go to you for advice on life. I really need your encouragement sometimes. I know that whatever I'm going through, you'd tell me to be stronger than the darkness going on inside of me. You'd tell me to fight and fight like hell because well, that's what you did, but it's so hard Grandpa... I'm trying for you, but sometimes it just gets the best of me and I can't help but lay in bed.

As Winnie the Pooh said, "Goodbye...? Oh no, please. Can't we just go back to page one and do it all over again?" I wish we could go back to page one and do it all over again. I wish we could have all those memories over again, but life doesn't work like that. Life doesn't give you second chances because you were a good person. Life is brutal. Like Rocky says, "The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it." And that's the thing... You didn't let it. You fought and you fought hard because that's who you were. My Grandfather. My Marine. My hero.

You will always hold a special place in my heart. You taught me how to fight, how to act, and how to hold myself to higher standards. I always told you that I wanted you to walk me down the aisle at my wedding and when that day comes, I will be walking down the aisle by myself because I know you'll be right there next to me. I refuse to wear a wedding band unless it's yours and there will be an empty seat at my head table where you should be. Truth is, life is not the same without you and it never will be. There is a void in my life that no man can ever fill because let's be honest, you had some pretty big feet, but you also had the biggest heart that I have ever witness. (Even though that soft spot was only for me...)

You will always hold a special place in my heart. You taught me how to fight, how to act, and how to hold myself to higher standards. I always told you that I wanted you to walk me down the aisle at my wedding and when that day comes, I will be walking down the aisle by myself because I know you'll be right there next to me. I refuse to wear a wedding band unless it's yours and there will be an empty seat at my head table where you should be. Truth is, life is not the same without you and it never will be. There is a void in my life that no man can ever fill because let's be honest, you had some pretty big feet, but you also had the biggest heart that I have ever witness. (Even though that soft spot was only for me...)are certainly times when I miss your laugh, voice, and wisdom, I am so thankful for the memories I had the privilege of making and the man I had the honor of knowing. You’ve changed my understanding of what it means to live fully and you’ve shown me how to love deeply. You really are a hero.

Love always,

Your granddaughter.